Is Gentle Parenting Actually Effective?

 by Grace G

By definition, gentle parenting is a parenting approach which endorses a partnership between adult and child based on internal willingness instead of external pressures. Among millennials, this style has become ubiquitous, with it the style intended to be more respectful and emphatic than the traditional rigid style which was common in previous generations. Gentle parenting is based on the concept of offering options and choices instead of demands and requirements, as well as steering clear of “harmful” phrases such as ‘no’, ‘bad’ and ‘don’t’. However recently it can be said that parents have started to resent this style of parenting due to the poor behaviour of generation alpha, alongside the toxic side effects that positive parenting has on the adults, with it causing feelings of exhaustion, confusion and shame among parents, so it raises the question, is gentle parenting actually effective?

It is clear from studies that gentle parenting has numerous positive impacts on the development of children. One of the benefits of gentle parenting is the focus on speaking to your child with respect and understanding, which is crucial as it significantly improves a child’s capacity for empathy, as well as helping children to communicate at a more effective level with adults and children and to understand social cues. This also endorses children to understand their own emotions and decisions. It can be said that gentle parenting teaches children that they are able to be active in the world, trust their own needs or desires and make their voices heard. If gentle parenting is used in the correct way, it has the potential to offer a framework for children to learn how to assert themselves clearly but respectfully. Another good example of the effectiveness of gentle parenting is the idea that affection is not forced, with children often feeling uncomfortable or nervous about hugging a family member, a feature of gentle parenting is respecting their boundaries, allowing children to have more control over their life. Gentle parenting has benefits as it recognises children as a mini-human who has needs, and when these needs go unmet, they do not always have the coping mechanisms to regulate emotions, by acknowledging these emotions instead of ignoring or dismissing them, it allows your child to feel seen and validates, potentially boosting their self-esteem and enabling a better handling of their emotions as adults. 

However, despite the positives of gentle parenting, it has also been proven to have many downsides. It can be said that gentle parenting fails to teach children that their actions have consequences, which is crucial as research consistently finds that logical consequences are relates to improved behaviour, as well as the fact that a punishment free lifestyle in a way sets a child up for failure, as it is not the way the world works, often this idea can be completely alien to member of generation alpha.  In addition to this, while gentle parenting focuses on the underlying reasons for a child’s behaviour, it may overlook the fact that sometimes children simply defy rules for the thrill of it, rather than as a physiological response to stress. Furthermore, due to gentle parenting being characterised by a promotion of firm boundaries, giving choices instead of orders, yet while this approach may be appealing, it has the potential to lead to a lack of structure in a child’s life, therefore it should be made clear that it is important to strike a balance between both choice and command, due to the fact that children still need guidance and direction from their parents to help with the complexities and hardships of life, so without any clear boundaries, children may struggle with self-control, decision making and understanding responsibilities. It must also be made clear that despite the fact emotional validation is vital for developing a child’s emotional intelligence, it is also necessary for children to learn how to regulate emotions, especially in situations where immediate gratification may not be possible or appropriate, so teaching them to exercise self control is crucial for their overall development.  Finally it also should be mentioned the effect that these kids are starting to have on their teachers, with teachers quitting in droves due to the inexcusable behaviour of generation alpha who are described as having a lack of respect for authority and rules. 

In conclusion, I believe that gentle parenting has the potential to be effective with children, as long as it is mixed with other parenting styles. To me it seems like millennials who did not like the way that they were raised feel the need to overcompensate with their style of parenting, which often causes kids to have a lack of respect or a sense of boundaries.