The Great Emu War

 by Nikhil Patel

I know what you are thinking, but, as ridiculous as this story may sound, it does, like all historical events, provide lessons for those who decide to look back on them, particularly in the times of economic, military and political upheaval in which we find ourselves.

For context, the year is 1929 and the Wall Street crash has sent the American economy spiralling. The banks thus stopped lending money meaning no one could buy anything. Thus leading to America putting tariffs on foreign importsturning the crisis global and bringing on the Great Depression (naturally this is a very simplified summary). One nation that was hit particularly hard was Australia. Australia relied heavily on its export industries and given the economic climate no one was buying. To worsen the crisis, Australia had introduced a new currency, tying it to the gold standard via the British pound. But as Britain began to cut its own ties with the gold standard, Australia suffered as a result. As in any economic crisis, it was the people who suffered the most. In particular farmers. Australia had donated land to veterans of the first World War for farming, but with no one to sell their goods to they were unable to make a living. Some went to find work in urban areas, but those who remained would find themselves facing Australias greatest foe :the emu.

Emus are 6ft tall, 120lb and can run at 40 miles per hour. Essenially, a very fast and underweight Floyd Mayweather. Normally they would retreat to the coast for the mating season in the Summer and Autumn,  but in 1932 they found Western Australia full of fresh farmland. What appeared to be an invasion of twenty thousand Emus caused the farmers further lost goods and damages. The situation could not go on and the farmers appealed to the government. One would think that this would be a job for the Minister of Agriculture ( henry Somer Gullet) but the farmers thought a stronger response was needed. They wanted the military. So they went to George Pearce (Minister of Defence) who in a statement to Parliament said ‘The Emu is a difficult bird to approach, and heavy shotguns are required [..] I have given instructions that each party shall be equiped with a Lewiss gun, a Vickers Machine gun and rifles’. So it is fair to say the government were taking things seriously. However not evryone accepted the conflict, and it did not play well that the government was taking up an armed conflict against its national bird. Pearce argued that the millitarys involvement  would provide troops with marksmanship training.

The operation went ahead, led by Major G.P.W Meredith, troops armed with two Lewis machine guns marched to wage war on the emu population of Western Australia. The emus countered the cunnings of the humans, with one of the greatest tactical deceptions in the history of warfare. They ran away. At the first battle of the campaign at Campion, the men encircled the emus ; prepared to unleash their terrible fury upon their feathered foe. However, the birds caught on, and split into smaller groups to confuse their enemy. The men killed (what they called) ‘ A number of Birds’, a majority of whom escaped. It goes without saying that the winner of the battle of Campion were the emus. But the lesson provided battle experience to both sides. For example, it was discovered that the Emus could still run at full speed despite taking multiple hits. Meredith pondered this and was quoted saying ‘If we had a military division with the bullet carrying capacity of these birds, it would face any army in the world’. It should go without saying that it would be impossible to make any of this up.

The next approach the military took was close combat, by sneaking up and firing at short range, it was surely guarunteed that the soldiers would win. They enacted this  tactic at the infamous ‘Battle of the dam’ (as it took place near a local dam). However, after just twelve emus were killed, the two machine guns jammed. Once again the Emus had come away with a convincing victory, and the tide of war looked heavily in their favour. In order to change this, the troops decided to move South of Campion, where it was said that the Emus were tamer. It was here that the troops enacted their strategy of chasing the eums in trucks with mounted machine guns. This went as well as you would expect and the operation became a fiaasco. Public opinion quickly turned against the war as the press lambasted the government. Pearce was the laughing stock of Parliament, with one member of the opposition suggesting that medals should be handed out to the emus. Dejected, Pearce called the operation off.

Until four days later when the farmers re approached him and Pearce happily went along and approved a second campaign. This time the soldiers were much more successfull, supposedly cutting down more than three hundred birds a week. Despite the media losing attention, Pearcenended the operation due to its successes, and lauded his victory in Parliament. There were twenty thousand emus, and Pearces’ men killed a thousand, meaning there were nineteen thousand more still out in the wild. Furthermore, the soldiers burnt through ten thousand rounds of ammunition, meaning ten rounds for every confimed kill. Therefore it is not unreasonable to conclude that the war was almost definitely won by the birds.

This is an amusing episode in history, but it highlights the potential dangers of incompetency. We live in a time of economic decline and volatility and everyday people become more and more polarised because of the issues that they see in the media. Recession and conflict are not amusing, and they ultimately require strong leaders. World economies are teetering on the edges of recession, and with the increase in war around the globe one could argue there has been an absence of leadership and competency. It is becoming increasingly normal for those in power to be investigated for crimes and misdemeanors whilst in office, and this is a result of declining standarsd of those in public life. Whilst no politician has stooped so low as to distract people from the issues by declaring war on a species of bird, spina and showmanship cover up for incompetencies. Therefore the amusing anecdote of ‘the great emu war’ serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of holding those in power accountable.