A Biblical Exploration of Mental Health

 

by Tom Fairman

When training to be a teacher, there was a group of around ten students on our course, some excelled and some survived. One person in particular seemed to be a natural, enjoying every part of it and inspiring myself in particular to be more imaginative and creative in my practice. After the course finished, the group parted and we lost touch, moving to different parts of the country. However when one of my children started school, we reconnected as our children were in the same class. We were both still teaching and he was doing really well, highly respected and loved by the students.

A few years later, something changed. One day, something snapped and he could not face going into school. He took time off, tried a phased return under the care of professionals and an incredibly supportive school, but the situation spiralled until he could no longer even hold the thought of stepping back into a classroom. This incredibly gifted and talented man who had helped and guided countless students now could no longer do the job he enjoyed so much. The journey to recovery was a long one with many ups and downs for him and his family, but now he has found a new career and become himself again. 

Peter was one of Jesus' closest friends. Someone who was part of the inner circle. Before being called to follow Jesus, he was a fisherman, working with his brother Andrew and the pair of them left their nets to take up a life of fishing for men (Matthew 4:18-20). This ministry was highly successful with Jesus, where countless people were healed, had their sins forgiven and heard the life giving message about God's love for them. It was a ministry that Peter in particular became passionate about, so passionate that he often acted with his heart on his sleeve, speaking before thinking.

This passion turned into a deep love and respect for his friend, Jesus. During one particular exchange, Jesus asked His disciples "Who do you say I am?", to which Peter replied "You are the Christ, the Son of God." (Matthew 16:16). Peter saw there was something special in Jesus, saw through the human appearance and saw deeply with God's eyes to truly know who Jesus was. This knowing is at a much deeper level than merely knowledge held in the mind. This response by Peter indicated he knew at a deeper level, knew as deep cries out to deep, who Jesus was. 

Jesus returned this gaze, this perception, with some knowing of His own. He saw in Peter something that was essential to the growth of the Kingdom of Heaven, something that would benefit all of us. A leader who would be strong enough to lead this varied assortment of followers Jesus had acquired, someone the others would look up to, be inspired by. Jesus saw someone who could be trusted with a mission and gave Peter a new name, saying he would be the rock on which Jesus built His church (Matthew 16:18). Peter must have been doing a pretty decent job of this discipleship ministry.

There were many ups and downs for Peter along the way though. Walking on water with Jesus would have been high on the list of highlights. However Peter manages to put his foot in it here, when suggesting he loses faith and starts to sink (Matthew 14:22-33). Shortly after Peter's profession of faith, Jesus had proclaimed Peter's attributes, Jesus was describing how He had to suffer and die, but Peter was adamant that he would not let this happen. Jesus rebukes Peter fairly strongly, it was the only time he directly called someone Satan (Matthew 16:23). Another time, during the Last Supper, as all the disciples denied that they would betray Jesus, it was only after Peter's denial that Jesus said Peter would even deny knowing Jesus at all (Luke 22:34). This was even after Peter was the one who had shown he truly knew who Jesus was.

Yet Peter seemed to take this on the chin, being the stereotypical fisherman, happy to roll with the winds of the storm, taking the rough with the smooth and there is no mention of how these setbacks affected him. Of course, there is no knowing what is going on below the surface which is true for so many in the world today. People we praise, people who are successful, people who present resilience in the face of adversity. It can be so tempting to focus our attentions on those who cry out for our attention and demand our time and needs, yet neglect to check if those who appear strong are indeed ok.

One piece of advice is to ask, not once, not twice, but three times if someone is ok because we are all short on time, we are all busy and it is easier to tick our mental moral box by taking the first answer of "fine" or "good" or "living the dream" rather than waiting to see with God's eyes and know truly whether these responses are deep. So many opportunities can be missed by resting on outward appearances and our unconscious stereotypes. Did Peter's friends having heard Jesus proclamations about Peter, look at his background as a fisherman which would not have been an easy job and decide he will be alright rolling with the punches? Do we look at our friends and decide who is alright even before we have taken the time to truly find out?

For Peter, he went to the trial of his friend and waited outside, wishing there was something he could do to help his friend. He had tried to prevent the soldiers for taking Jesus by striking out with his sword only to be rebuked again (John 18:10), but he was determined to be there for his friend. No-one else had come with him, everyone else had run away, he was all that there was left for Jesus. Yet as he waited there warming himself by the fire, Peter was asked three times if he knew Jesus and three times he denied knowing Him. At that moment, the cock crowed and Jesus appeared and looked at Peter (Luke 22:61). Peter's finest moment proclaiming his knowledge of who Jesus was, had now became his deepest shame as he denied any knowledge of the man. His strength and the event that he treasured and defined his faith was now marred by this act and something snapped.

Peter left, weeping to the very core of his soul (Luke 22:62). His new life was left in ruins, his friend who had put so much trust in him, he had let down. There was no way he could lead this group, the shame was too great for him to even show his face in their presence, let alone get them to listen to him. The disciples lost their Rabbi and also the appointed successor, leading them all to seek refuge in locked rooms, hiding from the world (John 20:19). How Peter managed to bring himself to go back to the group, to carry on with his life in the midst of his friends rather than the field that Judas found himself in, must have been only through the grace of God?

For Peter, life must have now lost its meaning. He had gambled on a new life, seen clearly where this path was leading him and where his place was going to be. Yet now it had all crumbled before him, and not due to some outside events, but through his own denial, his own failings, his own fault. Whether this was a culmination of events or just this one event, something that brought him success and joy now was empty and had no life for him. He found himself in his grief, in the middle of his friends, yet alone, searching for something to cling to. When the women came to say the tomb was empty, he ran to the tomb, but found nothing. Jesus did not come to meet him, did not appear to him first, did not bring him any consolation (John 20:10).

Peter then looked backwards. He went backwards to find something where he could remember being alive again. He went back to fishing, like a comfort blanket, not because it would bring him life, but because it was familiar, it was known, it was solid (John 21:3). When we are in these moments when what used to bring us life seems devoid, we reach out for anything that seems real, anything we could get lost in, regardless of the costs and consequences. We can also bring others along with us, draw them into the whirlpool of despair that can grip us. Whether it was Peter's innate attraction as a leader or the others being pulled into the current themselves is hard to tell, but Peter eventually found himself back on a fishing boat, back to square one, unable even to do what he used to (John 21:3).

It is here that so many people find themselves. The black dog can keep looming bigger and bigger until the shadow is completely over us and it is sat on top of us. Sometimes we can see these currents pulling us and can try to do something, speak to someone, grab onto to something to prevent the swirling, dragging us down. However when it stops, we can look around and see that we are floating, lost, drifting with no idea, plan or hope, unable to draw life from what is around us, unable to find joy even in the things we used to constantly find it in. It is here that other people find us.

When Peter found himself in this boat, there came a voice from the shore, asking how it was going, speaking into our darkness, waiting for a true answer, seeing with God's eyes (John 21:5). They answered they had caught no fish, maybe the fish even sensed their mood. The voice told them to throw their nets on the other side and they instantly caught so many fish the nets were breaking (John 21:6). This mirrored a miracle earlier in their lives when Jesus first called them (Luke 5:1-11). Whether it was this recognition or whether it was the voice that triggered something in Peter's heart, the knowing was reawaken in Peter. Light was brought back into Peter's life and hope was rekindled.

This moment was not the healing Peter needed though, but the start of the process. When they came to shore, Jesus asked Peter three times "Do you love me?". Three times Peter answered positively, but it was on the third time Peter answered with his heart, exasperated at having been asked three times (John 21:15-19). Yet it was the questions that had to be asked to drive through the wall of shame that had built up, to delve through the darkness and to find the light that lay beneath it. This is a process that can take some time, over the course of many months of counselling for some, but it is a necessary process to ensure the healing fully penetrates into someone's heart. That is why it is so essential even for Peter to talk to someone, to be given a chance to express his heart and find redemption.

And yet, the process for Peter is only complete when he finds a new path, a new career, a new future to believe. Jesus tells Peter to feed His sheep, to look after His flock. He gives Peter a new mandate, a new reason to life. Peter needed to find his place again after falling so far and was the last piece in the puzzle that allowed Peter to successfully take his place in the history of our church. The chance of a new start, a fresh beginning can be the catalyst that starts the process of life again. It did not mean there were no more ups and downs, but the hope never left him from this moment. 

Peter offers us a mirror to see that even in the strongest and least likely places, something can snap, can go wrong. No matter how close to Jesus, how grounded we may feel or seem, the potential is there for it all to be swept away. Yet his story offers us hope, a pathway out of these whirlpools, a guide that through expert counselling and a new purpose we can begin to walk in the light again and live the promises that are spoken over us.