The Music of Lizzy McAlpine

 by Saffron Irons

Lizzy McAlpine is a 23 year old musician and songwriter based in Pennsylvania. Her music feeds off of influences such as John Mayer, Dodie and H.E.R, blending pop, jazz, and R&B to create her unique style. I discovered Lizzy Mcalpine a couple of years ago when looking for new artists to listen to, specifically researching smaller, singer-songwriter type artists to help with inspiration for my own passion for songwriting. Her debut album Give Me A Minute from 2020 fit the criteria perfectly: soft vocals, acoustic guitar, gorgeous harmonies and heartfelt words. Songs that have a homemade feel to them. Consequently, when her sophomore album Five Seconds Flat came out in 2022, I expected the same cosy, acoustic, folk music atmosphere, but instead she traded it for a much more intense indie-rock sound. With this album, she takes her songs one step further, seemingly finding her voice and her confidence. She introduces influences from Billie Eilish and Phoebe Bridgers as well as features from FINNEAS, Jacob Collier and Ben Kessler. The production of the music has changed significantly as well, adding new sound effects, intense build ups and increased complication in the dubbing of her own voice. The addition of her own voice recordings from moments in her life makes each song even more personal and heartfelt. She uses the album to explore the subtleties of teenage existence, mostly centering around the theme of relationships and breakups. The songs range from heartbreaking ballads such as ceilings and weird to catchy pop songs such as all my ghosts and erase me. The song firearm takes clear influences from Billie Eilish’s Happier than Ever, and her duet with Ben Kessler in reckless driving is an extremely creative depiction of two completely different perspectives in a relationship.

The album begins with the song doomsday which is a perfect introduction to the album and the themes discussed. The song uses the extended metaphor of ‘doomsday’ or the death of McAlpine to depict a difficult breakup. 

The song begins:

Pull the plug in September 

I don’t wanna die in June 

In response to these lyrics Lizzy Mcalpine commented:

“I saw a TikTok back in March about how if you were to die in the month of June, then in your next life, you’d be a Gemini. And the girl in the TikTok was like, ‘Oh hell nah, don’t let me become a Gemini in my next life please. Please don’t let me die in June.’ And I was like, ‘Wait, that’s kind of a sick concept, so I took it and turned it into the first two lines of “doomsday.” And then I connected it to feeling like your relationship is doomed and trying & failing to have any sort of control over when it ends.”

I find it interesting that she found her inspiration from Tik Tok as it shows the power in searching for inspiration everywhere, as well as the influence that young people all over the world can have on each other through the internet. 

The song continues:

I’d like to start planning my funeral 

I’ve got work to do 

The metaphor of her funeral continues throughout the song, suggesting that she knows that the breakup is coming and it will be the death of her. She would like to plan the way that it happens so that she can keep some sort of control over the situation. 

As McAlpine explained to Atwood Magazine, “In the song lyrics I use a lot of funeral imagery and metaphors because to me, heartbreak is like a small death, especially when it’s your first love. When he broke up with me I would actually feel like I was dying.”

This first verse begins with relaxed instrumentation including amplified acoustic guitar and synth, however as the second verse begins, the drum beat is included, slowly building up the texture of the song and adding more weight as the song progresses.

Verse two:

Pull the plug, make it painless

I don't want a violent end

Don't say that you'll always love me

'Cause you know I'd bleed myself dry for you over and over again

Here, Lizzy admits her unhealthy obsession for this person and the fact that she cannot control her actions around them. In a way, she wishes they would leave so that she can stop draining herself for them. 

The chorus begins:

Doomsday is close at hand

I'll book the marching band to play as you speak

She uses the idea of doomsday to represent the day of the breakup. The idea of the marching band could represent her need to drown out his words and not hear him when he breaks up with her. It also contrasts the setting of a funeral, suggesting that she wants to hide the terrible event with something more positive. 

I'll feel like throwing up

You'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine

I'd like to plan out my part in this

But you're such a narcissist

You'll probably do it next week

The contrast between the two people: one ‘throwing up’ and one like a ‘machine’ shows her insecurity about the fact that she feels so strongly about this event and it would break her, while her partner is emotionless like a machine. Lizzy also expresses again her lack of control over the situation and when it will happen.

I don't get a choice in the matter

Why would I? It's only the death of me

Only the death of me

Lizzy’s sarcasm here could be seen to be used, like the marching band, to bring a comedic light to this event, covering up her grief, and using humour as a coping mechanism. 

The music in the chorus builds to a climax with drums, bass, backing vocals, strings, and a bell-like piano sound, all suddenly dropping away when she sings It's only the death of me, and reducing to just bass in the last line of the chorus. This effect puts emphasis on the last line, showing the harsh reality of her sarcastic words. 

The third verse:

Pull the plug but be careful

I don't wanna die too soon

I think there's good in you somewhere

I'll hang on 'til the chaos is through

The repetition of ‘pull the plug’ throughout the song suggests that she (or their relationship) is on life support and is barely holding on. It also suggests that although the breakup will kill her she wants him to do it, almost dares him to. But of course, being in a toxic relationship, she believes that there is good in him somewhere, and if she can just hold on through the chaos, their relationship will go back to normal. This shows her intense attachment to this person as she is willing to stay with them even through all of the chaos. 

The third verse follows a classic song structure of being very short before diving back into the chorus, and the instrumentation is very effective here. It is very sparse throughout the first two lines, with only bass guitar and a stark bass drum, building through the next line with guitar, a light drum roll as well as water sound effects. The final line - I'll hang on 'til the chaos is through - is where the music builds again, led by the drums. You can hear with the drums the sound effect of bones cracking, ending with a final snap which leads into the intensity of the next chorus, imitating a beat drop. The idea of bones snapping suggests that the ‘chaos’ is in fact what will break her apart, but still she stays. The second chorus has a much thicker texture than the first with increased backing vocals and a prominent bell sound, perhaps imitating church bells at the funeral. 

The chorus leads masterfully into the middle eight:

Doomsday is close at hand

I'll book the marching band to play as you speak

I'll feel like throwing up

You'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine

I'd like to plan out my part in this

But you're such a narcissist

You'll probably do it next week

I don't get a choice in the matter

Why would I? It's only

Middle Eight:

The death of me was so quiet

No friends and family allowed

Only my murderer, you, and the priest who told you to go to hell

And the funny thing is I would've married you

If you'd have stuck around

I feel more free than I have in years

Six feet in the ground

From this point onwards, the lyrics begin to be in past or present tense rather than future, suggesting that the breakup (or the death) has now happened. The beginning of the bridge is somewhat anticlimactic, with the instrumentation reducing to guitar with some echoing backing vocals. This works with the idea that her death was ‘quiet’ contrasting the rest of the song in which her death seemed much louder, especially with the marching band, perhaps representing how such large life changes can happen in seemingly quiet moments. The echo of the backing vocals could perhaps represent a cathedral acoustic reinforcing the setting of a wedding or a funeral. 

The line ‘no friends and family allowed’ shows how she is completely alone in this event and nobody is there to comfort her. Using ‘and’ instead of ‘or’ could represent the speech done at the beginning of a wedding, or perhaps a funeral: ‘friends and family, we are gathered here today’. The next few lines add to this idea of a wedding that never happened. The interesting thing in the third line is that she separates her ‘murderer’ and ‘you’ suggesting that she has separated the man who killed her with the man whom she loved, perhaps to ensure that she keeps an idealised version of him in her mind. It could also be read, however, that she is confirming and specifying that her murderer is this person, as a way to attack him. The ‘priest who told you to go to hell’ is a somewhat comedic line suggesting that they were going to get married but even the priest was so upset by his actions that he condemns him, and still she does not leave. 

The last two lines are sort of the turning point of the song. She admits that she would have married him if he’d ‘stuck around’ which is a very passive expression, suggesting that she didn't even need him to love her for her to marry him, she just needed him to be there. She then goes on to say ‘I feel more free than I have in years Six feet in the ground’ this is a turning point as she realises, now that she is ‘dead’ that she is free from the relationship, more free than she has been in years. Despite spending the whole song dreading her death and trying to delay it, she realises her life has actually improved. I find it interesting that there is no conjunction before this line such as ‘but’. The line contradicts all the lyrics that come before, but this is not acknowledged, instead the line is just added on the end. It gives the impression that she doesn't want to admit that she was wrong and her life is actually better this way, or perhaps she doesn't want to bring attention to the fact that she contradicts herself, and that she made such a big deal about the breakup, when, in fact, it was what freed her. 

The music reinforces this idea. After the first three lines of the bridge which are relatively quiet, the music builds significantly through the line ‘I would've married you’, with an intense bass drum and cymbal beat, voices, and sound effects. All of this cuts out completely in the line ‘i feel more free’ leaving just the acoustic guitar, with a texture even more sparse than at the beginning of the bridge. This effect could perhaps highlight the line and her realisation, or the lack of intensity could be interpreted as taking away the prominence of the line, as she does not want to admit that she feels this way. 

The final chorus/ending: 

Doomsday is close at hand

I booked the marching band to play as you speak

I feel like throwing up

You sit and stare like a goddamn machine

I'd have liked to plan out my part in this

But you're such a narcissist

That you did it on Halloween

I had no choice in the matter

Why would I? It's only the death of me

The idea of it ending at Halloween is inspired by McAlpine’s actual relationship. In response to a tweet that says not dressing up for Halloween is a ‘red flag’, she responded: “my ex (who doomsday is about) did this. red flags all over that one.” The personal feel to the song does suggest that it is inspired by her own life, but here she confirms the suspicion. The final chorus stays relatively quiet with very sparse guitar chords, ending on pure vocals. I feel that this makes the ending extremely powerful as it sounds as if she has given up on fighting to avoid her death. Depending on the point of view of the listener, it could be interpreted as a defeat as she realises that she cannot escape her imminent fate, or it could be seen that she finally accepts and comes to terms with the fact that the breakup will happen and she will be better off for it.