by Alice Clarke
Stoicism is about as simple as philosophies get, and has existed in many forms since the beginning of recorded history, and was first documented by Zeno of Citium. It can be summed up as the idea that we cannot control what happens to us, so instead we must change how we react, and that is how one should find happiness. This sentiment varies in application and across cultures, but the central theme remains the same. However problems can arise in its application, and it is frequently misunderstood - so how can we best use it to help us and those we care about?
The issues it causes will often stem from the following scenario:
Person 1: I’m scared of this Thing. This Thing is making me very anxious
Person 2: Well can you do anything about this Thing?
1: No.
2: Well then, why worry? Surely it’ll only make this Thing harder to deal with!
1: I guess you’re right
2: Good! Glad that’s sorted
1: Not really… I’m still anxious.
Now I don’t think anyone would call person 1 unreasonable here. But you wouldn’t say person 2 was incorrect either, would you? Person 2 clearly subscribes to a stoic worldview, but it doesn’t seem to be working for person 1. What’s the issue?
Well, as many people will know already it seems like there’s a big difference between knowing something to be true intellectually, and actually believing it yourself. It’s always a tricky one to navigate, and although I’ve exaggerated it a bit I’m sure many of you reading this will have been both person 1 and person 2 many a time. It’s never easy to know how to proceed, but I think we can agree that the following exchange helps no one:
Person 2: Well I don’t understand how to help you. Don’t you want to be happy?
Person 1: Of course I do!
2: But you know that you can’t do anything about the Thing, right?
1: Yes, I just said that!
2: So you just need to accept it and move on!
1: But I can’t! I’m really worried about this Thing!
2: Look, I give up. Come back when you want to talk about this productively.
Now, Person 2 doesn’t look too good here. But they aren’t exactly wrong, either! However, it seems like by delivering hard truths, they’ve done nothing but entrench 1 further into their position, and although it is 2 that leaves here, it could just as easily have been 1. What use is hard truths 2 when 1 doesn’t want anything to do with them? This issue seems to have been caused by either a lack of empathy, or more commonly, patience - and it can be difficult when someone you care about is facing a problem that seems so simple to you! But how could this have gone differently?
Now there is no right answer to this. Every person, every scenario requires a different approach, but the problem doesn’t seem to be with the ideals that two holds. Stoicism is not something that can ever be forced on someone, and often 1 is never going to come around to 2’s way of thinking in this scenario. However, 2 can still be supportive, until perhaps one day 1 can figure it out for themselves! After giving a gentle nudge, 2 could have realised that pushing things was unlikely to change 1’s mind, and instead just moved to comfort them in the present.
As many will know, often when a friend, sibling, child or colleague comes to you with a Thing of their own, they aren’t looking for advice! Maybe they just need to get things off their chest, and instead of giving them a lecture in personal philosophy, a hug will suffice.
However, stoicism certainly is not without its uses! If one can indeed simply accept what they cannot change, life is made far simpler, but the issue is that this is hardly going to be news to anybody. If we could all think like that then what reason would anybody have for being sad? In addition, in the above scenario person 1 could easily be left feeling like their own unhappiness is caused by a personal failing; especially if 2 is someone who’s advice they put great stock in, such as a parent or mentor. After all, do they not want to be happy?
Marcus Aurelius, a great Stoic philosopher, once wrote:
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”
But this could quickly become problematic on further analysis. Firstly, how could “you” have power over “your mind”, when scientists and philosophers still cannot decide where the boundary between the two? And additionally, you do have power over outside events, and it is essential to utilise this if you want to improve your mental health. If you want to feel better about yourself, being around people who make you feel belittled and insulted is not going to do you any favours. Finding better friends is a challenge to be sure, but something anyone can work at - and no one is powerless to try! The same goes for diet, exercise and sleep: we certainly have at least some power over those, and we should make every effort to utilise that!
On the other hand, it cannot be denied that stoicism is a powerful resource when used effectively! Marcus Aurelius also wrote:
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”
A beautiful message about the importance of optimism and hope. He also dispenses other pearls of wisdom, such as
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
And
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
He also invented the Gratitude Journal.
“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...”
And many more things besides! (Seriously, check out his quotes page on goodreads, the man’s got some serious wisdom and that’s only the start)
Stoicism is also the foundational principle of modern Cognitive Behavioural Therapy! Widely accepted to be the most effective treatment (besides medication at times) for a variety of conditions, from depression to schizophrenia, CBT revolves around changing your responses to outside influence to make any number of things more manageable. However it is performed by trained professionals, and so is likely to be far more effective (and subtle) than anything person 2 had to say.
All in all, while stoicism has its drawbacks, like any other philosophy it can certainly be a useful tool to have in one’s ideological duffel bag. However, it is never going to be a substitute for the oldest and most essential things for helping out someone in a pickle: empathy, compassion, and patience.
(And, should it be appropriate, liberal application of hugs.)
Bibliography:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism
Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations"
(or if you can’t be a**ed, ) https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/17212.Marcus_Aurelius,
Nigel Waburton's "Little History of Philosophy"
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