A Culture of Respect

 by Emma Burns

One of my earliest memories of my youth is when I was six; a man named 'The Black Panther Killer' had kidnapped a 17 year old female from her bed and later murdered her in Staffordshire, not far from my grandparents' house. Every time I was in their home, sleeping over, I was frozen with terror that this man might also get into my room and take me, and I would spend my last days in fear and agony. This fear lasted beyond his moment of capture.

Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper, had a reign of terror in the Northeast of England between 1975 and 1980 - so between the ages of 6-12 the news I heard was punctuated by the stories of appalling deaths of women which fed into my consciousness that to be female was to be vulnerable in ways one should never have to imagine. 

I mention this because recently I was discussing these events with my brother who confessed he had never felt scared and indeed the news, whilst shocking, never caused him anxiety. Why would it? He was male and therefore unlikely to face such violence. And it was hard to forget the casual and embedded misogyny from the police at the time: "(Sutcliffe) had made it clear that he hates prostitutes. Many people do. We, as a police force, will continue to arrest prostitutes. But" he went on, "the Ripper is now killing innocent girls". Within my own family were those labelled the sex worker victims of the Ripper as victims who were "less deserving" than those who were "good girls".

Why reflect on this now? Because, despite all the advances towards equality, there remains a horrifying level of violence perpetrated against women. 

Like many young women, I experienced public sexual harassment and sexual assault. To be female was to be vulnerable in ways one should never have to experience. The fear I felt lasted long after those events. 

But I have been lucky. 

On average, a woman is killed in the UK every three days: 121 women per year. 62% of those women were killed by a current or former partner, for whom death is the ultimate control of the female. Abuse in 88% of those deaths was reported to the police prior to the death of the woman in question. 

Taking abuse to the police is not an easy thing to do. Not when only 1.6% of all rape claims even gets to the point of charging the perpetrator, let alone securing a conviction.  

Not when half of all Met Police officers found guilty of sexual misconduct have kept their jobs. 

Not when undercover police officers engage in illicit sexual relationships in a bid to spy on women's organisations.

Not when police officers start a WhatsApp group and post selfies with the bodies of murdered sisters Nicole Smallman and Bibaa Henry, pulling hilarious funny faces next to the corpse.  

And now a police officer sentenced for life without parole for the death of Sarah Everard. How can the public have trust and faith in their representatives, their law enforcers, if in fact they are no better than those who are oppressing them?

A vigil for Sarah Everard ended in police manhandling those who went to a public space to grieve and show their support for other women. I have been told by men I know that I was making too much of a fuss and that 'it's not all men'. No, it's not, but 97% of murders worldwide are committed by men. On the same day that Sarah's murderer was imprisoned, another man appeared in another Old Bailey courtroom charged with the murder of Sabina Nessa, having chosen her at random but again with premeditation of what he wanted to happen. 

Where does this woman-hatred come from?

American gender researcher Peggy Orenstein "sees toxic masculinity as a three-legged stool standing on emotional suppression, disparagement of the feminine and bragging about sexual conquest. She noticed a dissonance between boys being warned to "respect women" and the sexual availability portrayed in popular culture, reinforced by a "historically unprecedented" exposure to pornography (The Financial Times, 9/920). 

Put simply, we need to encourage and raise boys to be emotionally open to all, to remove micro aggressions which belittle women and to be aware of the preponderance of easy access to unrealistic sexual depictions of the female. 

The deeply unpleasant 'incel' culture where men blame women for their own failures in relationships is in itself a false psychological belief: the root of this shame and frustration needs to be carefully examined in order for empathy between the sexes to exist. Here we all stand, as educators, parents and pupils, with a moral imperative to raise respectful and civil members of society. 

I truly believe that we can. The outrage we feel when confronted with these crimes must and will continue, not least by our own outstanding pupil body who campaign and raise awareness with a clear sighted fearlessness I admire enormously. 

This is not a moment. This is an ongoing principle of equality and respect towards all. It must and it will prevail.