Marriage and Monogamy: The Intricate Relationship

 by Manon Francis

 

(image by Sandy Millar)

Marriage is the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. This stems from the idea of monogamy, which is the practice of marrying or having a sexual relationship with only one partner. Monogamy, and so by association marriage, is on one hand beneficial on a basic biological level as it increases the chance of raising offspring, however it is an intrinsically unstable mating strategy (not including the psychological effects) as access to other potential partners is diminished. Humans are for the most part monogamous, which is unusual, as less than 10% of all mammalian species, a quarter of primates and 90% of birds practise monogamy as a general rule. Monogamy in humans is a fairly recent development, and has only really become a general fixture in the last few thousand years or so. Evolutionary researchers at the University College London believe that it emerged as a result of males protecting their infants from other males who may kill them in order to mate with their mothers. This suggests monogamy’s primary function was to secure the wellbeing of children, a mindset that still exists today, and that the idea of fathers investing in raising children is an anomaly amongst the vast majority of mammals, so has evolved along with other societal expectations.

Finding a ‘life partner’ is a goal many aspire to, and their life choices should be respected as such. Some do not consider this a priority and may choose to focus on a career or simply have no interest in a romantic relationship. Any and all of these options are perfectly valid and should be respected, however the concept of spending forty, fifty, sixty years or more with the same person is actually rather strange if looked at in a different way. Very few other animals spend this amount of time with one partner, and whilst many of these relationships are happy and successful, it could serve as a reason why marriage is becoming less common. According to the Office for National Statistics, the number of opposite-sex marriages fell from 247,372 in 2014 to 239,020 in 2015 - a drop of 3.4%. An ONS spokesperson in 2018 stated: “Marriage rates for opposite-sex couples are now at their lowest level on record following a gradual long-term decline since the early 1970s.” This could be attested by various factors, such as the sheer cost of wedding ceremonies themselves and the economic climate, and the societal shift which has led to younger people becoming more career-oriented. However the cause could be something much more simple and explained in a phrase many hear when speaking of failed relationships, especially marriages: ‘nobody stays together anymore’. For better or worse, relationships are not lasting as long as they were, and once the original origin of marriage is explained, it is fairly easy to see why.

Marriage has been proven to increase a husband's lifespan by an extra 1.7 years, but it decreases the average wife's lifespan by 1.4 years, according to the study of more than 100,000 people across Europe conducted by the Independent. This figure is however slightly offset by the fact that women tend to live longer than men on average. Historically, and in some places today, marriage is or was the strategic alliance between 2 families orchestrated (by namely the father as the head of the family) to ensure long-term stability and prosperity for the maximum number of people, which usually occurred in the form of children as heirs or to marry off, and economic agreements. Here, there is no mention of consideration of love or happiness, only duty and what can be gained materially from the agreement. A more radical interpretation paints marriage as an invention that simultaneously ensures women’s rights and feelings to remain subservient and that reproduction (the only factor women could have control over) be kept under male control. This stems from the inequality between genders, and can still be seen in some aspects of marriage today, such as the ‘giving away’ of the bride from the husband to the groom.

That is not to say that marriage cannot be beneficial and bring happiness to many people, and many put a more modern take on the ceremony, so the balance of power is more equal. Despite this, the progression of women from subservient housewives to beings of their own with self motivated careers and aspirations, can serve as a primary reason as to why (heterosexual) relationships are not lasting as long on average as they once did. Women feel less constrained by the traditional ‘grow up, meet someone, get married, have children’ mentality, and also have more options available in terms of being self-sufficient and able to leave relationships (divorce has become more accepted). Therefore, the evolution of women’s rights and acceptance of more liberal social norms has made the concept of marriage and long-lasting relationships less attractive.