by Matt Bryan
I often like to read and watch politicians being interviewed, but each one is much the same as another. I always find myself asking the question: wouldn't this be much more fun if the topics were a lot less relevant and the questions a lot less expected? And so this dreadful idea of mine was born and I sat down with Mr Richardson last week to try it out.
Why did you pursue a career in teaching?
Because I really enjoy the sound of my own voice and I supposed that other people could greatly benefit from the sound of my own voice too.
Who would you say is your fashion icon?
My mirror, of course. I like to think that I dress pretty conservatively, more so than I did when I was younger. I remember a pair of green wellies and a pink Sou'wester with some horror.
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a young Harrison Ford?
Surprisingly, no. That is the first time I have heard that. Thanks, I guess.
Which nightlife spot in Portsmouth do you frequent?
My study, whilst marking, but I'd hardly describe that as a hotspot: in short, none.
If you could invite three members of ABBA to a dinner party, who would they be?
The two girls, obviously, and I think Bjorn would be my go-to man. Apologies to Benny, if he is reading this.
What is the three-digit number on the back of your credit card?
I have no idea and I am also not that stupid, thank you very much.
What is typically your favourite font for reading 18th century sonnets?
I tend to go for Baskerville, being the man of class and taste that I am.
When in Rome, do you eat sushi or curry?
Probably curry; although the Italians are bad at them, I trust them more with that than with raw fish.
In what ways is Portsmouth Grammar School like Plato's image of the cave?
It is but a mere shadow of an ideal education.
What is your most shocking story from your teenage years?
It is too shocking for words, so traumatic that I've blanked it out entirely, but perhaps it involved a pair of green wellies and a pink Sou'wester.
How did the collapse of Carillion affect you and your loved ones (you may be entitled to some financial compensation)?
Not at all in my recollection, so I would probably not be entitled to any compensation.
Who is your favourite pupil in the Sixth Form?
Every one of them, of course, but my tutor group are a special group in my heart and display magnificent skill and loquaciousness in being silent every morning.
Which is your favourite Southsea Co-op?
The best one, naturally, is the one in Castle Road; there, you can enjoy the best Saturday-morning criossant - said to be better than those in France by multiple French witnesses.
Have you ever beaten Mr Doyle in a game of table football?
Never, but only because it would be too depressing for him to lose when I unleash my actual, raw talent that I honed as an undergraduate.
If, God forbid, Heinz stopped making tomato ketchup, which brand would you turn to in the ensuing condiment fallout?
I would likely be too traumatised to touch the stuff ever again, but one can always take comfort in Waitrose's own brand.
Who is your favourite guitarist and why is it Ed Sheeran?
Actually, as a connoisseur of music, I am really impressed by him; it is easy to put him down, but he's successful and just an ordinary guy who makes fantastic music and has good appeal on both sides of the Atlantic. He reminds me of myself.
Is it coming home?
It has already come home, from a psychological perspective (answers on a postcard).
Does anyone actually read Portsmouth Point?
I certainly do! I read my own articles over and over daily in the Staff Common Room and tend to skim past everything else.
What is your favourite class of freight locomotive?
I am very fond of this electric one from the 1970s that was used to clean leaves off the line. I think he was called Brian.
If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?
I would be there, which is a very typical response from an English teacher like myself: over-analysed. Alternatively, I would be here.
(at this point, I rolled my eyes and left).
I often like to read and watch politicians being interviewed, but each one is much the same as another. I always find myself asking the question: wouldn't this be much more fun if the topics were a lot less relevant and the questions a lot less expected? And so this dreadful idea of mine was born and I sat down with Mr Richardson last week to try it out.
Why did you pursue a career in teaching?
Because I really enjoy the sound of my own voice and I supposed that other people could greatly benefit from the sound of my own voice too.
Who would you say is your fashion icon?
My mirror, of course. I like to think that I dress pretty conservatively, more so than I did when I was younger. I remember a pair of green wellies and a pink Sou'wester with some horror.
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a young Harrison Ford?
Surprisingly, no. That is the first time I have heard that. Thanks, I guess.
Which nightlife spot in Portsmouth do you frequent?
My study, whilst marking, but I'd hardly describe that as a hotspot: in short, none.
If you could invite three members of ABBA to a dinner party, who would they be?
The two girls, obviously, and I think Bjorn would be my go-to man. Apologies to Benny, if he is reading this.
What is the three-digit number on the back of your credit card?
I have no idea and I am also not that stupid, thank you very much.
What is typically your favourite font for reading 18th century sonnets?
I tend to go for Baskerville, being the man of class and taste that I am.
When in Rome, do you eat sushi or curry?
Probably curry; although the Italians are bad at them, I trust them more with that than with raw fish.
In what ways is Portsmouth Grammar School like Plato's image of the cave?
It is but a mere shadow of an ideal education.
What is your most shocking story from your teenage years?
It is too shocking for words, so traumatic that I've blanked it out entirely, but perhaps it involved a pair of green wellies and a pink Sou'wester.
How did the collapse of Carillion affect you and your loved ones (you may be entitled to some financial compensation)?
Not at all in my recollection, so I would probably not be entitled to any compensation.
Who is your favourite pupil in the Sixth Form?
Every one of them, of course, but my tutor group are a special group in my heart and display magnificent skill and loquaciousness in being silent every morning.
Which is your favourite Southsea Co-op?
The best one, naturally, is the one in Castle Road; there, you can enjoy the best Saturday-morning criossant - said to be better than those in France by multiple French witnesses.
Have you ever beaten Mr Doyle in a game of table football?
Never, but only because it would be too depressing for him to lose when I unleash my actual, raw talent that I honed as an undergraduate.
If, God forbid, Heinz stopped making tomato ketchup, which brand would you turn to in the ensuing condiment fallout?
I would likely be too traumatised to touch the stuff ever again, but one can always take comfort in Waitrose's own brand.
Who is your favourite guitarist and why is it Ed Sheeran?
Actually, as a connoisseur of music, I am really impressed by him; it is easy to put him down, but he's successful and just an ordinary guy who makes fantastic music and has good appeal on both sides of the Atlantic. He reminds me of myself.
Is it coming home?
It has already come home, from a psychological perspective (answers on a postcard).
Does anyone actually read Portsmouth Point?
I certainly do! I read my own articles over and over daily in the Staff Common Room and tend to skim past everything else.
What is your favourite class of freight locomotive?
I am very fond of this electric one from the 1970s that was used to clean leaves off the line. I think he was called Brian.
If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?
I would be there, which is a very typical response from an English teacher like myself: over-analysed. Alternatively, I would be here.
(at this point, I rolled my eyes and left).
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