My Top Four Embarrassments

by Charlotte Knighton

While pondering upon what my article should be about, I thought about many of my experiences in life, and, after a while, I noticed a thread linking the vast majority of my most vivid memories…they all seemed to involve me being embarrassed. Therefore, I decided to compile a list of the top four things that embarrass me.

So, at Number Four… Blushing.

I’m sure many people can agree with this one. Any situation that is moderately awkward or embarrassing can be made ten times worse by blushing, and what’s more it seems to be impossible to control. Unfortunately, I have an inability to stop blushing when start, so I have to go around for at least ten minutes looking like my head’s about to explode until I forget that I’m blushing; only then does it seem to go away. My charming friends (who I will not mention by name but they know who they are) have the ability to make me blush by saying just a few words that trigger memories that embarrass me.

That leads me on to my next embarrassment, a close third… My friends.

What most people think of when asked to describe their friends are things such as “funny”, “kind” or “they know me so well”. Not so much, with me. While all of that may be true, the things that spring into my mind when I think of my friends are all of the horrendously embarrassing moments that they have helped cause. Among these moments that still have the power to make me cringe and blush are many that seem to take place on my birthdays, which my friends clearly see as a chance to embarrass me as much as possible. When I was still a shy Year 7, it was singing "Happy Birthday" to me loudly in the lunch hall so that everyone joined in; this year, it was putting a truly horrendous photo of me up on the notice board in my tutor room. There are many more I could mention, but (as the title of the article implies) they’re a little too embarrassing!

My friends however look like angels compared to Number Two… My dad.

Yes, I know, everyone’s parents are embarrassing; it’s part of being a parent, etc, etc. My dad, however, takes it to new levels. My esteemed father is a keen cyclist, and so he has all of the proper kit. Nothing wrong with that, of course. Not until he’s in his lycra, waiting outside the front door in the morning as my friends' parents collect them from my house. Or until he turns up to school to collect me, proudly wearing his padded cycling shorts (or, if you’re really lucky, his tights). As if that wasn’t bad enough, he feels no shame whatsoever. On a skiing holiday, as we were walking along a street, I was slightly behind him; suddenly, I saw something fall out of the bottom of his trousers. I looked at the ground to see what it was and it turned out to be a pair of his pants. He just carried on walking and left them in the street.

Unfortunately, I realised that I couldn’t possibly have anything else as Number One other than… Myself.

It’s sad, but it’s true. I can't seem to get through a day without doing something I look back on and think “Why on earth would you do/say/think that?” Part of the problem may be that I don’t have enough of a connection between my brain and my mouth. I come out with the most ridiculous things that, if said by anyone else, I would mock mercilessly, but I never seem to catch myself in time to stop it. Things such as “Ooh Scotland, that’s like the top of England” and “I used to think all the hair you had was coiled up inside your head” (I feel I should point out that that was a long time ago).

Not only do my words and thoughts embarrass me but also my actions have led to many cringing moments. I don’t have great coordination, for example when involved with the whole walking-up-stairs thing. A memorable occasion was when I tripped over going up the stairs three times on one stair case and, as I got to the top, a tiny Year Seven looked at me very seriously and said “Are you drunk?” Even walking on flat ground seems to pose a challenge sometimes, as invisible objects always seem to appear in front of me and trip me up when I'm least expecting it.

Having said all of this about the embarrassment of my life, I wouldn’t want it to change. After the initial horror is over, they are moments I can look back on and think, “I know never to do that again” and laugh at them… until I do it again.