Village Tales: Goodbye to Mapplebottom

Nina Watson presents the final installment of her series of 'Village Tales'.



It had come to the attention of a certain group of villagers that they were coming into the golden years of their lives. Age had crept up on them, leaving traces of life on their faces and in their bones, brushing them with a fine sense of antiquity. There was a general consensus amongst this group of people that they ought to leave a legacy, a reminder of the Mapplebottom residents of yesteryear. So, it had fallen to Madge, Pam, Fiona, Susan, Wendy and Jane to come up with something that would truly represent the elders of Mapplebottom. Meetings had been fraught; tensions had run high and the biscuit barrel was running dangerously low – it had been a trying time for the women’s husbands to say the least. With three months left before the contractor was scheduled to start work on their memorial space, the ‘League of Legacy Ladies’ (a self-dubbed title) had been resorted to picking their final idea from a hat, and six pairs of eyes tracked Jane’s hand as she drew the winning slip of paper from the hat. Jane read aloud what was written on the paper, and was met with various stages of shock.
“Well,” sighed Madge.
“Bloody hell!” Pam and Fiona cried in unison. Susan had her head in her hands at this point.
“Fiona! I told you not to put that in there! Do we really have to build that?” quizzed Wendy. Despite the obvious discontent from some members of the League, the sorting hat had spoken. However, Jane did wonder how much spandex they would need to order to be able to cater to the whole village…

                                                                        ***

The building process over the last three months could only be described as hard slog. Poles had been cut too short, mirrors had arrived cracked and an infamous batch of non-clumping glitter had exploded all over the reception of the Legacy Leagues new creation. But, after countless hours spent working at the site, donning hard-hats and drilling mirror-balls to ceilings, it was finished – their gift to the Mapplebottom was complete. Hidden behind a fabulous red curtain, the new building was just about to be unveiled by Mayor McMinty and shown off to the villagers that had speculated for months about what the older members of Mapplebottom had been plotting. Wendy, Susan, Madge, Fiona and Pam stood proudly to the side of Mayor McMinty, nodding excitedly at him to pull the cord and finally reveal the fruits of their hard labour. With a swift tug the curtain came down, and ‘Mapplebottom Movers: Pole Fitness Studio’ could be seen in pink flashing lights. Looking both intrigued and disgruntled at the same time, Mayor McMinty lead the dazed crowd inside to inspect the new pole emporium. Yards of gold organza hung from the ceiling, surround glitzy mirror-balls that shone brilliantly onto 10 pills fixed on their own individual podiums. The changing rooms boasted a communal wardrobe of spandex hot-pants in various shades of neon, also offering an accessories drawer full of spangled headgear. The League of Legacy Ladies brought the tour up from the rear, nervously observing the silence of the other villagers. In a desperate attempt to show that this studio would serve the Mapplebottom community for years to come, the women whipped of their Velcro suits to reveal their matching leopard print leotards underneath, grabbing onto the pole nearest to them. As BeyoncĂ©’s vocals began to blare from the sound system and the ladies found their grips on the pole, they knew that the memory of the original Mapplebottom residents would be etched into the villagers' minds forever.


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