Friday, 14 March 2014

Familiar Faces in the Illuminati

by Rhiannon Lasrado

Every now and then, the Illuminati come up as a topic in the media, usually referencing a celebrity or two as a member. They do evil things, have a lot of money and are a big secret that everyone seems to know about. But who are the Illuminati? Isn’t it all just a big rumour? 

The Illuminati is an organisation, founded more than 200 years ago in Bavaria. Originally led by Adam Weishaupt, it was a secret society formed to fight the monarchy, religion and its negative influences, gender inequality and prejudice (seems okay so far…). The Bavarian leader and the Roman Catholic Church rapidly outlawed them, for obvious reasons, yet books published around the time suggest that this did not stop them. In fact, they went on to supposedly cause the French Revolution before evolving into the subject of many conspiracy theories today.  

It is reported that its members control the modern world – from finances to religion to politics – all with the intent of creating a New World Order: a one-world authoritarian government in which they rule. The conspiracy would have us believe that the world’s most powerful and wealthy people are members: Obama, the Pope, Lady Gaga, Jay Z. Their alleged deeds include assassinating Whitney Houston and JFK, worshipping Satan and just generally being mysterious. They use numbers (3, 6, 9, 11, 13 and multiples… so most numbers) and symbols, such as the All-Seeing Eye, the pyramid, the head of goats and of course, the satanic pentagram. Thus, when celebrities flash the triangle sign, albeit counter intuitively, considering the secrecy of this elite organisation, conspiracy theories spring to life. 


We all saw the Super Bowl performance in which Beyoncé looked alarmingly possessed. Even more worrying, the power went out in the entire stadium moments after she made the triangle symbol. Sure her husband Jay Z’s record label utilises a diamond symbol as its signifier - Beyoncé could have been advertising his Roc-A-Fella records… But then her child is called Blue Ivy, which obviously translates to “Born Living Under Evil, Illuminati’s Very Youngest”. In fact, I’m pretty sure you get the number 666 when corresponding the letters of the alphabet to numbers (2+17+21+5+9+22+25=101) and adding 565.  

The Royal Family

According to the conspiracy, it is no coincidence that Whitney Houston’s death coincided with the Queen’s Golden Jubilee – she was sacrificed in celebration (and to make room for Blue Ivy). This is fairly plausible given that I’m told Queen Elizabeth is high up in the hierarchy. Furthermore, William and Kate are apparently twelfth cousins, once removed. Their marriage is clearly a desperate attempt to maintain the elitist nature of the Illuminati. Finally, and perhaps most shocking of all, Prince Charles is blood type O. Now we all know that people with this blood type contain some reptile DNA, linking him directly to reptilian-human hybrid lines (reptilian gods, if you will) that form the organisation in their malevolent, serpentine manner.  

Pope Francis

Pope Francis was selected on the 13th March 2013 at 8:13 local time – that’s a lot of 13s. He has a master’s degree in Chemistry (according to the internet, this is a sure sign that there is something strange about him). The curtains behind him were shaped like a triangle on the particular day that this photo was taken. I rest my case.

In conclusion, the Illuminati are everywhere. We must remain vigilant to their numbers, symbols and reptiles. They are Satanists with the sole intention of plunging humanity into a worldwide fascist regime. In fact, it may be too late. Their people figure in politics, the monarchy, religion and entertainment… It is only a matter of time.

And if you take anything away from this article, let it be that there are some crazy people on the Internet.


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